Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
