Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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