i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
