In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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