Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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