drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think people are normalizing furries
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