i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize