Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
