My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
