i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
