My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
