At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
you never un-have a 4some
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
