Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This is classic penis vs brain.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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