He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
