2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
