So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
