I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
