a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I'm really busy with my period
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