We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
