I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
