All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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