i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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