Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
