I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
