i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
