so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
