Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also, beer. Big fan.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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