dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
