I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
