please come you make the beer taste better
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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