Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
