he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
