Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
