My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
