Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
