my sisters under your porch take her home
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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