Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
