and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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