the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
