So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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