i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
