All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
