I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
