No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
