I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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