I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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