Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
