can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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