I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
