Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
