Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
