he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
