What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
