listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
