yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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