So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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