I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
