Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
