Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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