Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
