Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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