dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
