Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
