It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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