McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Farmville is her only friend.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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