I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
