At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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