you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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