I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
