Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
