No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
